Tag Archives: Wildlife

All things bright and, oh, see for yourself

Germination proceeds. Out of thirteen Lemon seeds originally taken from a supermarket lemon, eight now have roots sprouting from two to ten millimetres long. Three others seem to be in various stages of life. All I did was take them out of the lemon, soak them overnight in water, then stick in a handy zip up freezer bag on a damp piece of kitchen towel and wait. My Avocado seed too is showing signs of root development with a gravid little bulge about three millimetres across and high forming on the bottom. All I did was set the seed up using four cocktail sticks and a glass full of water. Grade 5 level stuff like the old growing Cress thing we used to do in Junior School, before doing simple stuff that worked was replaced by ideologically driven rubbish like Man Made Global Warming and Gender studies. Neither of which have half the fun and frolics of playing with copper sulphate crystals or dissecting frogs.

Out on the deck our rose bush looks like it will burst into blossom within the next two or three days. The hummingbirds have been busy at our feeder. They are quite magical little creatures. At one point on Sunday evening, after a quick peruse of the cruise ships plying the Juan De Fuca I was examining the biggest rose bud and one of our two pairs of regulars stops at the feeder less than three feet away. I gently turn my head and it pulls back from the feeder perch. I turn my head gently and the little sucker decides it’s time to give the big slow motion statue (me) the once over, stopping in mid air for two whole delightful seconds less than a foot in front of my face, tiny dark eyes watchful, ready to disappear at the fist sign of hostility. I move gently backwards and zip! She’s gone like a little green bullet only to return to the feeder when I’ve retreated indoors. See some of her antics in the video below.

One of the things I hear from the UK ahead of our visit next month is the ridiculae from a retiring Judge and London’s Mayor that kitchen knives should have their points filed off because these things are being used by gang members for murder. God knows what these people would think if they saw even my modest collection of cutting implements. My particular favourites (and most used) are the heavy bladed Sabatier K’s with Teak handles on the right, the bigger one routinely slices through frozen chicken and has a lovely balance in the hand. Might have to replace my filleting knife as the serrated ‘Miracle blade’ is hard to keep sharp enough for filleting. As for their size and variety, they’re working tools in a working kitchen. Their forms reflect their specific functions. Which is something someone who has never prepared food (Only peons do that) is incapable of understanding. These bansturbators are retards who blame the tool, not the perpetrator. Which is why all their bans and meddling will achieve nothing but piss the rest of the population off. Maybe if they and those before them focussed on root causes rather than the fallout, there might be less blood staining the UK’s streets.

But that wouldn’t have been very progressive now, would it?

Squirrel!

squirrel-up-dog-gifFrom a recent news item comes information vital to our civilisations survival.  Via the Igors at the Bill Sticker Institute for Assorted Trivia I bring dire news of a global conspiracy.  A real one.  Not local like most terror threats but one whose breadth truly does affect all humanity.  Friends, we are under assault from the most effective cyber attacks ever imagined by a delusional paranoid schizophrenic completely off their meds, with or without added LSD. Oh yes, it’s that bad.

We’re not talking about Cyber attacks by Anonymous, or China, Daesh, threats to civil liberties by the very people sworn to protect us or even zombie armies looking to snack on what little brains we have left after watching daytime TV.  We’re talking about a real threat, responsible for genuine power outages and all manner of suicide attack as well as nut theft on an industrial scale.  The real enemy is….. Squirrels.

Cybersquirrel with bluetoothInformation is emerging of the sheer magnitude of these assaults on our civilisation. A map of power outages caused by these Decepticon borg-like creatures can be viewed here.  The heinous acts by these creatures include causing multi-vehicle pile ups, single squirrel kamikaze attacks on drivers in open topped vehicles, with invasions of licensed premises and failure to pay for their own drinks tab.  Not to mention the recent California terror rampage and reports of Vampire squirrels targeting deer. Even major sporting events are not immune. The list goes on.

So what can we do, how can we protect ourselves from these random terror attacks? What is the actual depth and scope of the threat we face? Most of the attacks appear to be a ‘suicide’ variant; Squirrels throwing themselves under the wheels of traffic or into sensitive infrastructure thus terrorising entire communities. How do we identify the threat?

CybersquirrelThe problem with threat identification is as demonstrated in this rare picture of a cybersquirrel caught off guard by a courageous camera person, who, although they took this picture using an extremely long lens, was shortly thereafter ambushed and hospitalised by several lightsabre wielding assailants later pictured fighting amongst themselves over credit for the ‘kill’ (See below).

Lightsabre squirrels So what are we to do in the face of a threat more real than global warming, mad bankers, room temperature IQ politicians, rogue asteroids, alien invasions and people who forget to carve new calendars? Fear not. I have a solution, but I would caution my last remaining reader to sit down with a stiff drink before proceeding further because what I am about to propose may seem unpleasant and may even make you nauseous. Are you sitting comfortably? Okay, brace yourself. My proposal is that we have to eat them. All of them. Every last single tree rat has to go. Before these cybersquirrels bring our brave 21st century civilisation and all the comforts we have come to rely on crashing to it’s knees. Because it really is them or us.

It may be the only chance we humans have left……..