Reading rioting and arithmetic.

While we’re downsizing and packing up, I’m minded to think about the recent riots. Terrible things. Damage to property, looting, burning buildings, pillage and rape. Certain of my distant Viking ancestors would have been right at home. And riots happen all the time. Every year. Everywhere. I particularly liked the historical snippet about the Royal Navy being brought in in 1919 to quell the Liverpool riots. See video below.

However, has anyone else noticed this? People who riot only do it in the dry. When it rains, very few riots. Too many people cooped up in the dry for too long, result = widespread riots and property values nosedive. Moderate to heavy rainfall = peaceful streets and no broken windows.

So here’s another of my modest little proposals. Whenever there’s a riot, bring out the fire hoses. Not water cannon style, but like artificial rain. Just half a dozen coppers strategically placed in each tall building with fire hoses set at wide dispersal to simulate moderate rainfall. No need to hit the violent idiots with the full blast of a fire hose, just enough of a downpour to cool down the hotheads. Result, no one gets hurt, Police or rioters. No need for snipers, riot gear or baton charges, just make sure the rioters trousers get thoroughly soaked. For it is well known that no civilian can maintain an aggressive mindset with squelching knickers.

So let these violent idiots be saturated. Take Youtube videos of Antifa falling on their arses. They’d never live it down. Humiliating the bastards would work better than all the kettling and battle tactics as currently practiced. No need for arrests either when a thorough soaking will do instead. And it would be fun to watch. Police could take special courses in pointing, suppressing smirks and making remarks like “Toilets are over there sir / madam /whatever.” before breaking out in a laugh just as the sodden wrongdoer passes out of earshot.

Of course, water cannon could be held in reserve for those breachers of the peace wearing waterproofs. On the other, ensuring that only a part of their underwear gets wet is a show stopper for most.

Maybe Police forces should not be armed with guns or tear gas, perhaps super soakers would be better for crowd control. A quick squirt of cold soapy water to the crotch will stop anyone, as it is a well documented phenomenon that soggy nethers will stop even a charging Rhinoceros. I think it is something to do with the embarrassment factor of a wet patch in the crotch, and the additional effect of damp cloth causing much chafing in the joy department.

Multiple benefits. The worst rioters get thoroughly soaked, maybe catch cold and are out of action for the rest of the season. Not to mention getting a thorough (and often much needed) wash. The streets get a sluice down, dust gets laid therefore air quality improves. It’s good for plants. Cleaner air is better for people’s well being and mood. There will be far fewer arrests so the court system isn’t so bunged up with hotheaded morons. All for the sake of a bit of water. Doesn’t even have to be nice smelling water either. Any old source will do. A local canal perhaps?

The arithmetic works well too. Soaking rioters reduces property damage, cuts down Policing costs, washes the streets and everyone gets a work out. What’s not to like?

Damn, I’m a freakin’ genius.

4 thoughts on “Reading rioting and arithmetic.”

  1. Like your water plan. Makes perfect sense and seems a very viable solution. However they do like their riot gear and water cannons so I suspect that it won’t even be considered.

    When I take over the universe though I’ll use that technique.

    Like

  2. You are too smart for that country. Get out before they find you.
    But nice idea. I can imagine them. All walking like cowboys after a hard day in the saddle.

    Like

    1. We are on our way out with a new plan and the money to see it through to fruition. Besides, I’m far too small for ‘them’, whoever ‘they’ are to be bothered with. I get on with my jobs, pay my taxes and this little blog is a carefully camouflaged secret.

      Besides, I have the impression I’m shadow banned anyway, not that I care, which ironically makes me even more difficult to identify.

      Yes, the ‘cowboy walk’ is precisely the image I had in the forefront of my mind when I made my little proposal. It’s hard to riot when you squelch with every step.

      Like

Comments are closed.